From Jack The Ripper to Spring-heeled Jack,

No Jack has ever got jacked on crack,

Car-jacked a jock, then jacked-off over a game of Jacks.

Palance, Nicholson, O’Connell, Grealish, no Jack can multitask like that.

No Jack could ever snort a whole sack of smack, jack-knife a truck,

Then attack someone with a lampshade that belonged to Caroline Flack,

Only a jack of all trades could attempt all that.

From Dee to Whitehall, a jerk and a jack-off, all you Jacks can fuck right off,

You Jacks can’t do what I do, you’ve all gone wrong,

From Jack White to Jack Black, go ahead, sing your little sing-song,

But even with a Mic on you’re not Jackson.

You could have a Whoopi cushion or three canisters of gas, gas, gas,

But only a Jack-In-The-Box with six giant heads can jump further than Jumpin’ Jack Flash,

So jump right on back, don’t try to jock my style, you’re not Craig Mack,

Whether Jack Ward, Jack Sparrow, or Calico Jack, you can all jump ship,

Remember this Jack is the real Jack and you Jacks ain’t jack shit.